OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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