I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
