I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
