i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wish you could order shots online.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
