operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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