I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
