I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I will pee on everything he values.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Randomize
