I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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