he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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