i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
