One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
