what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
