yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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