its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
