Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
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He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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