the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
