Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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