Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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