you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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