I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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