the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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