at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
