I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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