I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
