my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That's intense
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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