My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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