And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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