That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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