I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
