i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
