That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
