Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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