It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
