he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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