I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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