It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You made out with two different species that night
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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