But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the condom got lost in my hair
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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