so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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