So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just high enough for therapy.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
