he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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