I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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