I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We had sex on a dog bed..
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
