the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
