the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
did you just send me my own nude
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
