you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
