I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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