John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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