apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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