We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
