A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
