Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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