That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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