dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
