i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
me + whiskey = a bad person
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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