Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
