He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize