I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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