After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
